A REASON TO LIVE - MARIA PAULA PEÑA

A REASON TO LIVE

Splash

It’s the sound of a body falling into the water, when you jump into a pool in the summer and when you dropped toys in the bathtub when you were a child. Or when you fell by mistake, or with a clear purpose, to a river whose name you don't know, and your chest hurts from the lack of air, you can no longer try to return to the surface in search of the precious oxygen and your friends don't know what to do. your eyes close and you think you're going to die. that's my situation.

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My name is Tadashi, my friends found it funny to do stupid things in a ravine and I ended up falling into the water without knowing how to swim, now I'm unconscious, or dead, I don't know. Suddenly I am lying on the ground coughing and spitting water everywhere while trying to catch my breath. I see a huge black palace in front of me, the sky is cloudy and some crows fly around me, where am I? 

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Suddenly I'm very cold, something quite logical since I am soaked from head to toe, I feel the water run down my back and my forehead. A few meters from me I hear someone else's cough and screams, it scares me and I stand up, now running, he's a guy, and I still have no idea how he got here, if he's also dead, if we're the only ones here and the most important, where we are? the questions are so many that they overwhelm me.

I run to the guy, kneel beside him and hold his head, he opens his eyes and I notice that they are big and dark brown. they look black. He's trying to catch his breath just like I did a few minutes ago.

– Are you okay? – I ask.

– Who are you? Where you came from? What’s this? Are you an angel? Am I dead? Answer to me!

He stands up very upset, pushing me and asking questions so fast that I can't answer any.

– I'm just as lost as you are, I don't know where I am, I remember being drowning and that's it.

He’s silent.

– Yes, I remember the same.

He turns to see the dark and imposing palace and advances towards it with curiosity, I following him, after all I have nothing else to do and I'm curious what might be inside. Standing in front of the big iron door, he pushes it and I help him, it opens slowly with the creak of rusty hinges, as if it had not been opened in a long time. Inside, there is a large living room with chandeliers that light up on their own, the image is not very comforting, black spray writing on the walls and floor, difficult to interpret, some are in other languages, but as we go along I can understand some.

“Life? Death? Choose.

there is no way out if you don't choose.”

– A book, there.

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Says my partner, pointing towards the end of the room, where an open book sits on a gray cement column. We almost run forward, our steps echo through the gigantic place, until we reach the final, where in addition to the book there are two stairs, one totally black on the left and the other of white marble on the right.

– I'm going to read it. – I said, he nods.

– Yes, however you like.

I take a breath before setting my eyes on the pages.

“worldly;

this is a space between life and death. for some reason now your material bodies are struggling to survive, while your soul is in this place. the decision will be yours, you will be able to decide whether to stay in the world of the living or to go to the world where the souls whose bodies are no longer useful reside.

remember, you don't have much time to make this decision, once these pages have been read, a count will begin, you will have a day and a half in this space, that is, a minute and thirty seconds in the world of the living. if you are unable to make this decision, your soul will be trapped forever in this place.

We hope that the explanation is clear and that you can make a decision as soon as possible.

welcome to limbo.”

We leave the place slowly and silently, I look at the guy next to me, who’s looking at the ground and walks with slow steps, without interest I would say.

– So, a day and a half to decide this. – I speak.

– Yeah, I don’t care. I think to stay here a while and then I’ll take the left stair.

We lie together on the floor.

– And that’s it? You just going to die?

– That’s the objective…

–Tadashi, I’m Saito Tadashi, what’s your name?

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He looks at me, with their big and dark eyes, as if he can see my soul…well, technically it's what he's looking.

– Aki. Yamada Aki.

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I smile to him, and he returns to see the cloudy sky.

– How someone like you is here? – He ask.

– sorry? I have no right to be drowning?

I see Aki smile for the first time, and his smile makes something inside me stir.

– I mean, from your looks, it doesn't seem like you planned to die today.

– No, of course not, why would I want to-

I shut up before saying something else, but I think he already deduced what I was going to say.

– Yeah, that’s exactly why I said that I don't know why you're here.

A big fatigue takes me suddenly, all the muscles in my body hurt, surely from the effort, I look at Aki next to me and he is fast asleep, his breathing is calm, like a child.

He must not be more than 20 years old, maybe he is a year younger than me, and yet he is the synonym of destruction. Now that I can see him better, I could notice the big dark circles under his eyes and his skin tone so sick, that generates pressure on my chest.

Aki came here because he wants to die, or so I think, that generates me some guilt for some reason. He opens his eyes slowly and looks at me, his gaze just as dark but warmer now, or I think, he’s not a very easy person to decipher.

– Saito Tadashi – He mutters my name. He’s completely devastated, but at the same time it is a beautiful sight. – You wanted to know why, right?

– I will know what you want to tell me.

– We will never meet again anyway.

He took a breath and started, he was just like me, in a ravine in front of the river, only that if he had the clear intention of killing himself, he told me how his life was in decline along with his lifelong friends, staying like this not wanting to live to his short 20 years, he said all this crying.

I hugged him, it's the only thing I could do for him in this moment. I have friends and family, even a dog, but now I have a problem, I can’t let Aki go, the soul of the boy who now hugs me and is too gentle, I'm not ready to face that if I let him die.

– Don’t die, Aki. I won't let you take that ladder.

He separates from me and looks at me.

– why are you worried? Go back to your house Tadashi, I’m a lost case.

I hugged him one more time, night fell and we stayed like this.

–  And you? What reasons do you have to live?

– Other than my family and friends, I don't really have anything, Aki, life is very stressful, but I think things can change.

– Even for me?

– Even for you.

I don't realize when I fall asleep, when I wake up, Aki isn’t by my side, I run quickly to the palace, there he is, standing in front of the black staircase.

– Don’t do it Aki! – I screamed. – You have a lot of reasons, maybe your life wasn’t so good in the last years, but things can change, you’re still too young to die, please, let mi help you…

I go up to him and hug him, he hugs me back and says:

– I'm sorry Tadashi, I can't do this to you, I'm too broken, I can't repair myself anymore.

With that said, he releases me and walks down the black staircase. There's only one-minute left, and although it hurt a lot, I headed for the white staircase.

I start to cough when I open my eyes, between the screams of my friends I realize that I was on the bank of the river I fell into, all my friends around me screaming, I'm alive.

My friends leave me at my house, once there, I sit there on the sofa, Mom is not at home so I just lie in there while to process everything I experienced today, it seems like a dream... Did it have been? Suddenly, the window opens abruptly and a paper enters my house and as if the wind had brought it voluntarily, it falls at my feet. I pick it up and start reading what is written on it:

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"I hope you're not mad at me, I had to do it hehe. The good thing is that I can stay here to bother you for a while, Saito Tadashi, have a good life :)

-Y. A"

I smile, maybe the reason to live is this one, to know that my life is not so bad and that I can change it, and also, that Yamada Aki, wherever he is, is fine, dead, but fine. He's at home.

The end.

Written by: Maria Paula Peña